Fifty Shades of Clowns
by Emaiok
Summary: Ana leaves Christian to pursue a secret lifelong dream of becoming a circus clown. Warning: May contain anything in future chapters. Beware. :D
1. Chapter 1

WARNING: EVERYTHING BAD THAT HAS EVER EXISTED IN THE WORLD IS POSSIBLE IN THIS FAN FIC. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE NOT AT LEAST SLIGHTLY DEPRAVED. Thanks.

**Fifty Shades of Clowns**

**Chapter 1**

"Christian, I am leaving to follow my dream to become a circus clown." Anastasia said randomly one day.

"What? NO! I forbid you from going Ana! You are mine and I don't like clowns. I had a bad childhood and there was clowns in it." Christian shouted, waving his arms in the air. They were at a fancy dinner and now people were staring but it didn't matter 'cause they don't have money.

Ana pouted and threw down her fork, fed up with her husband's behavior. They had a two year old son together but Christian was still not grown up and was out all the time late at night. So Ana made up her mind to leave him, and in a public place so he wouldn't beat her with a turkey leg again. Too many witnesses. Even the great Christian Gray couldn't get away with that, could he?

Their son was going to live with her family while she pursued her dream to be a clown. She always wanted to do it, but she got caught up in trying to conform to society and live up to expectations. It had been a secret dream of hers, one that got her hot and bothered at night. But being with Christian showed her that people live weird fantasies out, so why couldn't they be _her_ weird fantasies? At any rate, it was too late to turn back. The clown car was waiting for her outside.

The dark-haired man grabbed at her as she got up to leave, but she slapped his hand away. Her self-respect had been building within her over the past year and all the late night bondage sessions had worn her patience thin. Ana was determined to prove to Christian, and more importantly to herself, that she was more than just a walking vagina. No… now she was going to be a clown, bringing joy to many through the fine artistry of slapstick comedy and face paint. Screw running a publishing company or whatnot! What did she know about that anyway? Life is lived in _smiles_, not boardrooms and bedrooms.

"Goodbye Christian." Ana said, tearing herself away and storming out of the restaurant.

"Ana!" He screamed, flipping over the table in rage. "Come back here!" He chased after her. "Anastasia!"

She ran through the swinging doors to the car. It was a tiny thing, smaller than a smart car. Although it seemed uncomfortable, it was definitely not one of the most painful positions she'd been in during the past few years. Kicking off her heels, she jumped in and slammed the door shut. Jerry put his foot down, flooring the tiny gas pedal. They were off in an instant, Christian running behind them as they left.

"Are you okay, Ana?" Jerry asked, his clown make-up lending a sad note to his words. Ana had met him and the other clowns on the internet when she wasn't chatting with Christian. They became fast friends and encouraged her to find her own path. She was going to live with them now.

"I will be, Jerry." She sighed, watching Christian's image fade in the rearview mirror.

'_Goodbye Christian_.' Ana thought sadly. '_I hope one day you understand_.'


	2. Chapter 2

WARNING: EVERYTHING BAD THAT HAS EVER EXISTED IN THE WORLD IS POSSIBLE IN THIS FAN FIC. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE NOT AT LEAST SLIGHTLY DEPRAVED. Thanks.

**Fifty Shades of Clowns**

**Chapter 2**

It was a long drive north. Ana and Jerry were heading for Washington, through dense woods and steep mountains. She had heard rumors that there were vampires and werewolves in those parts, but didn't worry too much. Everyone knows those things don't exist.

Besides, she wasn't going to give up on her dream that easily, not when she had come this far. Ana's clown shoes were safely packed in her suitcase along with the modest outfit she had managed to sew while Christian was away on what he said was business trips. The memory made her scowl as she remembered the silk ties and handcuffs she found in his luggage on multiple occasions. What else was he hiding, she wondered?

"Ana, you're hot." Jerry said out of the blue, looking at her bare knees.

"Jerry?" She asked, slightly creeped out by the comment.

"Sorry, I can't help but say what's on my mind. I guess I'm a bit nervous. I've never had a woman in my clown car before." He laughed awkwardly, rubbing the lucky rabbit's foot on his keychain.

"Right." Ana replied, clearing her throat and looking out the window to avoid him. In retrospect, she thought it might have been better to meet him in person before running away with him in his car. Hindsight is 20/20, she mused uneasily.

After a while of silent driving through the lonely woods, Jerry asked in a strained voice, "Will you sleep with me?"

"What?!" She yelped, jumping in her seat. He was glancing at her, his eyes examining her shapely figure.

"I-I'll think about it… and tell you when we get there." Ana tried her best to smile while inwardly wondering how she attracted so many crazy people to her. He had seemed harmless enough over the internet, but now she wondered if she should have been so trusting.

Jerry nodded and turned his attention back to the road. Crisis averted, she breathed a muted sigh. The brunette let herself relax a bit as the miles went on. By the time they make it to the camp where the circus was, it would be dark out. Audrey was waiting for them, Ana knew, and would have a room ready for her after the long journey. She seemed like a nice person and her skill with balloon sculptures was legendary.

Soon, the sun was setting and dinner time was fast approaching. Ana felt faint. The yogurt she had yesterday just wasn't cutting it. She regretted not getting the kind with fruit at the bottom. But still Ana didn't want to say anything, especially after the odd exchange earlier.

"It looks like rain." Jerry spoke first, brushing the brown hair out of his eyes as he looked at the grey sky. It reminded Ana of Christopher – the sky that is, you know, because it's grey. "We should wait it out and get something to eat. There's a good clown bar off this exit. I'll pull over."

'_A clown bar?_' Anastasia wondered, unable to recall ever hearing of such a thing.

They pulled into a side street and took a few turns before they arrived at a dank, wood building with a peeling fascade. There were a handful of cars parked outside and some motorcycles as well. What kind of clown drives a motorcycle, Ana wondered as they got out and walked up to the door. A great racket was coming from inside the building. The music was sensuous and pulsating, causing her spine to tingle from the vibrations.

"What is this place?" The brunette asked, hesitating.

Jerry smiled and pushed open the door wide. "You mean to tell me you've never been to a strip club? They've got the best clown knockers in town."

"C-Clown… strippers?" Ana gaped, astonished by what she saw inside.

'_Maybe this wasn't such a good idea…_' She thought, feeling weak at the knees. '_Christian, where are you?_'


	3. Chapter 3

WARNING: EVERYTHING BAD THAT HAS EVER EXISTED IN THE WORLD IS POSSIBLE IN THIS FAN FIC. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE NOT AT LEAST SLIGHTLY DEPRAVED. Thanks.

**Fifty Shades of Clowns**

**Chapter 3**

Clown strippers danced around poles wearing balloon bikinis; their red felt noses grinding up and down the metal. It was a colorful sight to behold. Horney clown men were throwing dollar bills and rubber chickens up on the stage. Ana felt hot, finding the scene both bizarre and exciting. It was too much to handle. Of course she had fantasized sometimes when she was with Christian that they were clad in polka dot jumpsuits while he whispered kinky clown things into her ear, but to see something like this… well, it was a girl's wet dream!

"Enticing, isn't it?" Jerry said knowingly, making no effort to hide the growing arousal in his yellow outfit.

Ana didn't want to admit it, especially to someone she had just met really, but she wanted to know what it would feel like to be up on that stage being ogled by so many clown men.

"You know," he continued, "I could ask Pancake to let you have a try if you want. I'm sure she'd take one look at you and say 'yes'."

Before she could ever consider the offer, they were greeted merrily by Daisy, the proprietor of the establishment. "Hi ya'll." She said and honked her nose. Daisy was a young, blond clown with a pale white face and painted freckles. "What kin I do ya for?"

"Daisy, you know that for you there's no charge." Jerry winked at her and kissed her on the cheek.

"Well, sure I do!" She laughed and squirted him in the face with the daisy on her lapel. "Don't mean I'll take ya up on it though."

"Hey there," Daisy turned to Ana. "Nice to meet ya! Are ya here lookin' for a job?"

"Me?" Ana stammered. "Oh, no. We're just travelling through. I'm going with Jerry to meet up with Audrey and the other circus clowns up in Washington."

"Really?" She asked nervously. "Are you sure you wouldn't rather just stay here?"

Jerry laughed awkwardly. "Oh Daisy, you're always such a kidder! I was telling Ana here though that if she really wanted, she could have a turn up there." He pointed to the stage.

"Oh, no… I couldn't possibly…" The brunette flustered.

"You should try. It's lots of fun!" Daisy smiled and tugged at her arm. "Come with me an' I kin fix ya right up!"

"But-"

"Oh come on, we're all clowns here!" She insisted and led her away quickly. "I have the perfect thing fer ya to wear!"

As she was taken backstage, Ana could have sworn she saw one clown with bright red hair masturbating under the table as he watched a petite purple-haired and big breasted clown wiggle her ass free of some oversized pants. She bit her lip, noting her own wetness. Well, this was a part of her world now, she thought, and she'd just have to embrace it. If that meant taking off her clothes in front of other clowns to be accepted, who had the right to judge her?


	4. Chapter 4

WARNING: EVERYTHING BAD THAT HAS EVER EXISTED IN THE WORLD IS POSSIBLE IN THIS FAN FIC. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE NOT AT LEAST SLIGHTLY DEPRAVED. Thanks.

This chapter and the next one is dedicated to Jon. Thanks for the inspiration! ^.^

**Fifty Shades of Clowns**

**Chapter 4**

As Anastasia walked through the door, a large room full of glittery lights and oversized costumes surrounded her. There were a number of clowns in different states of dress and some where more ample than others. One clown in particular was trying to wriggle on a sequined bra; her folds of fat concealing hidden scarves and un-inflated balloons.

"Hiya, Pancake!" Daisy yelled and waved at her merrily. "Girl ya need some help? I kin get the butter."

"No, no… I got it!" She replied grumpily as she jumped up and down, her folds of fat making a flapping noise.

'_So that's why they call her Pancake._' Ana thought, cringing.

Turning towards them, the plump ginger clown turned to them and raised her eyebrow when she saw Anastasia there. "Well, who's she then?"

"Jerry brought 'er in. She wants to be a clown." Daisy said. "Thought we could give 'er some practical experience." The blonde shrugged the hair off her shoulder.

Pancake considered Ana for a moment, looking her up and down. "I suppose she could be a part of the main event. Just grab her a costume." She grunted and went to a make-up table to powder her ass dimples.

Doing as she was told, Daisy waltzed over to the rack and picked out something for Ana to wear. It was a red, sequined bikini; the top was made of whoopee cushions and the bottom was made of polka dot fabric with a buzzer on the front. Looking at it, the former Mrs. Grey blushed furiously.

"I can't possibly wear that!" She choked, feeling weak in the knees.

"Of course ya can, sweetie. Ya want to be a clown, don't ya?" Daisy beamed.

"Yes, but I… had something else in mind." Ana murmured. "Like performing tricks at the circus… or even just entertaining at children's birthday parties…"

"Why would ya wanna strip at children's parties?" She asked sincerely.

Ana paused, dumbstruck. "No… I meant-"

A loud bell rang, cutting her off.

"Oh, that means we're starting soon. Hurry an' put it on already!" She shoved the outfit into her arms.

Pausing a moment to consider the conflicting urges to run or to give in to her clown fetish, the rubbery feel of her whoopee cushion top beneath her fingers was too enticing. Ana considered how it would feel against her bare chest; rubbing and tonguing at her nipples with its texture. Snapped from her fantasies, she found that Daisy was undoing her pants.

"C'mon." The blonde nudged her.

Giving in to her fantasies, Ana undressed quickly and changed into the immodest attire. It was every bit as exciting as she had thought it would be. Ana felt alive, in a way that sex with Christian had only played at. No, as she looked at the stairs to the catwalk, flutters were kissing over the surfaces of her body.

"Get a move on then." Pancake ordered as she passed by and ascended the stairs with her cow-print umbrella. "You're in for a treat." The red-head gave her a rare smile.

Treading carefully up the flight of steps, a purple curtain was opening and dozens of painted clown faces were looking at them. Ana was trembling as she timidly followed Pancake down the stage. Daisy was right behind her as the trio went to join three others clown strippers onstage already. They were gyrating against balloon animals that the eager audience threw at them. Occasionally they would pop, but that just made it more exciting.

"This will get messy. I hope you're up for it." Pancake called back to her as she jiggled her breasts, much to the delight of a blue-haired clown with an ample amount of singles. "Oh, and don't let anyone try and give you change. I don't want to tell you where some girls have had quarters stuffed by customers."

"What?!" Ana stumbled but regained her balance. "I'm not so sure about this…" She tried to turn around and go back.

"Oh don't let 'er scare ya!" Daisy giggled and slapped her in the tits, causing the whoopee cushions to make a farting noise. There was laughter and cheers from the audience in approval. Ana looked around and took in the energy of the crowd. It made her wet and she wanted more. Biting her lip, she waved timidly at them. From below, one skinny clown with a seltzer water pump aimed at her and blasted her with fizzy water, causing bubbling, tingling sensations to run down her body and soak her bikini bottoms. Ana couldn't help but moan.

Daisy smiled and tapped her ass playfully. "There ya go! Just have some fun!"


	5. Chapter 5

WARNING: EVERYTHING BAD THAT HAS EVER EXISTED IN THE WORLD IS POSSIBLE IN THIS FAN FIC. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE NOT AT LEAST SLIGHTLY DEPRAVED. Thanks.

**Fifty Shades of Clowns**

**Chapter 5**

Anastasia went over to a pole and took a few turns, gaining more confidence each time around. Between her legs, the cool, smooth metal rubbed her in all the right places. But that would not last. Pancake and another clown stopped her and pulled her to the center stage.

"What are we doing?" Ana asked in a daze.

"We're all gonna get creampied." Daisy chortled and whipped off her top.

"What?!" She gasped, feeling vulnerable. "You don't mean…"

Wiggling free of her glittery panties, the blonde smiled. "Don't worry, hun. The customers are real gentle unless ya like it rough." She winked.

Ana went pale, her skin cold, and ready to flee. Behind her, Pancake unhooked the brunette's top with a snap and let her small breasts free. It was starting to feel like having sex with Christian – the lack of control and the confusion. But that was what excited her deep-down. Regardless of that, she didn't want to be ridden on stage. That was too much!

Ana tried to protest but Daisy pressed down on the buzzer that was conveniently positioned over her clitoris. She was almost brought to her knees by the vibrations. Panting, the brunet put up little resistance to the blonde as she peeled off her wet panties, exposing her to hungry stares. Out of the corner of her eye, Ana saw Jerry playing with himself. It was disturbing and yet flattering in a creepy sort of way. There was no doubt about it though, that the rest of the car ride to Maine was going to be awkward!

On the verge of crying, the brunette was surprised when all of a sudden she took a pie to the face. Cheering and laughter roared through the building as more pies were thrown. Wiping the whipped cream out of her eyes, Ana realized her mistake. _They were being hit with cream pies, not… well_, she thought, _you know_…

Covered in layers of white, creamy topping, the clown strippers slipped around the stage. Some grinded up against each other and rolled around as they enjoyed the sensations. It was so erotic! Ana whined. The seltzer sprayer was blasted at her again and she gasped, trying to wipe the cream pie off her face but her hands were still covered.

"Watch out!" Ana heard someone yell and she walked towards them, but found something slippery under her foot. Falling backwards, she hit her head and felt the world spinning. The sounds of people and pulsating music was dull in her ears.

"Ya okay?" A voice called to her. "Ya slipped on a banana peel. You're gonna be alright."

Anastasia was dragged off backstage, her head spinning. The night had not been at all what she had planned, that's for sure. As she passed out, strange and arousing visions danced before her starry eyes. '_I don't want to be a clown anymore._' She thought tearfully and then the world went black. Hallucinations of flying rubber chickens filled her unconscious mind.

"Come play with us Ana…" One chicken whispered as it floated by her, spinning. "We like to play Twister on Sundays..."

A pink goat wearing aviator sunglasses walked by and started nibbling on her toes. "You're not going to eat that, right?" He asked and pulled out a bottle of ketchup.

"No, go ahead." Ana said woozily.

"Righteous…" Another chicken floated up into the sky, wearing a Rambo headband and Che Guevara t-shirt.

Narrator: Will Ana wake up? Will Christian come to her rescue? Will Ana be raped by a clown named Jerry with a pogo stick? Or will they go on a high seas adventure that is suspiciously like Treasure Island, but just different enough to avoid copyright infringement? Tune in next time for the exciting, trippy continuation of Fifty Shades… of Clowns!


End file.
